The Stayer

I met her for coffee a few years ago. My mom recommended I sit down with her as I had been going through some relationship issues. She worked at our church and coached several people through rough spots. She asked hard questions to help me process what I was going through, and she gave me things to think about. She was just good at being present. We could talk for a few hours and I never felt like I was wasting her time, even though I’m sure I was. I never felt like she needed to be somewhere else, even though I’m sure she did. She just knew (and knows) how to stick with someone.

Even if I see her in passing now, she makes time. We can have a short conversation that leaves me thinking and encouraged. Everything in her life stops when she talks to you. You have her complete attention and focus. Nothing else in the world matters.

The pastors at church took turns with the emergency voicemails. It was a way to help people in the community. Over the Christmas holiday, she decided to let the other pastors spend time with their families and that she would take the emergency voicemail. That’s the kind of person she is. Always looking out for others, always wanting and looking for opportunities to help others. 

A call came through, and she decided to call back. The woman on the other end said she didn’t want money or anything like that, just food to make a meal for her family.

Springing into action, she gathered what she had in her pantry, called her sister to do the same, and decided they would meet in the parking lot at church to go visit the family together. Not sure what they were walking into, they prayed, and then they drove over. She walked up to the apartment door, and introduced herself. Noticing two teenage boys standing in the back, she asked for their help to carry in the groceries.

And even after she left their apartment that night, she knew then she had ultimately made the decision to stay.  

Over the next few months, she watched out for the family in small ways. She helped the mom get to appointments and helped with laundry when it got to be too much. On one particularly busy day, she was helping to run a few errands, and even had a speaking engagement among several other things, when she received a phone call from one of the boys. The mom had left the hospital. No one knew where she was. 

Calmly she responded, “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you are not responsible for the decisions and actions your mom makes.” The boy responded he knew, and even in the midst of her busy day, she decided to make a few calls and drive around to see if she could find the mom. As she drove around the city streets received a phone call from the hospital and they found her at the pharmacy near by. Back at the hospital, she visited the mom and then spoke with the nurses. She shared her heart for the mother, talked about Jesus. She didn’t say, but as we ate our muffins and drank our coffee, I got the feeling this was a turning point for her.

Eventually DHS got involved. Thinking of her connections, she worked with DHS and figured she could help with the high school boys. She called a friend knowing they were empty nesters, and thought at least one of the boys could live with them until they finished high school. One thing lead to another and it didn’t work out. And in that moment she knew she needed to help by taking in one of the boys. 

So she did. She took this boy from a broken home and gave him a piece of wholeness. She gave him structure and rules and boundaries. She didn’t let him play video games until his homework was done. She expected him to work and do chores. She helped him open a bank account so he could save his money. She expected respect and other things that weren’t a part of his normal life. 

Change came quickly, in no small part due to her. He works at least two jobs, does his homework before playing video games, and after the spring trimester at school she found out he made honor roll. As a rising junior, he’s already planning on what to study in college so he can get a good job and support a family should he ever have one of his own. 

This summer, he’ll join with hundreds of other teenagers to detassle the mid-west corn. You work for two weeks and make a few hundred dollars by pulling the tassles off the corn to prevent cross pollination.

When she realized how much he’d be making, she asked him how he’d like to save the money. He didn’t want to save it. He wanted to give it to a family in need.

This is the influence this woman has on people. She goes where people don’t want to go; to the messy and mucky places and then she loves people there. She chooses to stay with people who are unlovely and loves them anyway. She sees people in need and helps them. The night she took that emergency voicemail in some ways sums up her character. Giving up her holiday time so others can spend time with their families. Choosing to help, choosing to stay, choosing to take real action so she can make a difference — big or small. That’s what she does. She doesn’t see the fringe people or the hard conversations the same way so many of us do. She welcomes these moments and those people in her life, and the world is a better place because she’s in it.